My call home

"Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now."
- Denis Waitley

I called home earlier this week and was able to do some video chatting with Mom and Dad thanks to the wonders of Facetime on Mom's iPad. It's not easy living a few states and timezones away from the family; by the time I leave work in the evening, Mom is ready for bed and very tired. When she's tired, the words don't come easily, and phone conversations are tough. Often I make it home by 7 pm, but that's 9 pm Central, and I know Mom is sleepy (or sleeping) by then.

Video chats work a little better, so she can see her goofy and lovable grandson and hear his improvised knock-knock jokes. This time I tried to entertain Mom with stories from California, including a recent jaunt up to Napa Valley with a group of colleagues visiting Stanford, where I work. The wineries we visited were unfamiliar to Mom and Dad, but they recognized the general location and were amused, I think, by how awed I was at the experience.

Mom smiled and nodded, resolute. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go now. Let's just move."

Dad and Mom on Father's Day, 2011

It's great to see her crack a joke - even make a wish for the future. Maybe she won't end up moving to California - who knows, maybe she will! - but it's nice to see her want to get back to her dreams and working towards them. She works hard in physical therapy, as much as she can from the bed. Dad says she's lifting heavier weights each day, and she did 100 arm curls that day. (100! Wow!) She's progressed to sitting up 4-5 times each day as well, which is tiring but helps to rebuild those atrophied core muscles that are so important for sitting up comfortably. Rebuild is the key word: she's broken down, but not destroyed. She's rebuilding.

Lately I've been reading success stories of glioblastoma survivors (like this one and this one), and I believe more than ever that hope, faith and work - endless work and effort - are keys to rebuilding Mom's life. She'll never be exactly on the path she planned, but it doesn't matter. The path she's on is what we'll take, as long as she's walking it with us.

Love you, Mom.

A Day in the Life

(2 days prior, 9pm) Mom's caretaker, Cindy, calls, she is sick with a virus. Quarantined away from Mom until all symptoms are gone.  Monday was a 'normal' day minus the Cindy.

Today, 8am, slowly waking up, talking about the horse who paints pictures on the Today show. Channel 5 is the morning show of choice for many years, ever since whoever hosted previous to Bryant Gumbel.  And the only reason we know who Greg Gumbel is, even though now we've been watching him more years than we ever watched his brother. Coffee in a Tervis Tumbler with half a Splenda and a healthy dose of vanilla cream.  Dad takes the other half of the Splenda, a half-of-the-bottom-of-the-cup half and half, plus a small splash of vanilla cream, and served in the black and gold F16 coffee cup.

9am, breakfast is a cheese omelette, leftover filet mignon and sauteed mushrooms from dinner the night before. A sliced tomato, warmed, with salt and parmesan cheese.  2 pieces of crispy thick slicked bacon. A gourmet breakfast every day in this house.

10am, 11am, 12noon, various mindless TV shows, and coffee refills.  Incredibly boring.  Mindless.

1pm  When the news type shows run out, then we switch to COZI tv which appears to be programming from the 1970's and earlier. Today there was an early Bing Crosby pic on, and something that must have been filmed the first year colored film was available. And a funky show with a super young Bill Cosby. So young I didn't even recognize him.

2pm YEAH a call from a friend who wants to visit.

230pm Friends show up and stay a very respectful 15 minutes or so.  Grandchildren, as expected from the group of new retirees, were the topic, with much cooing. Everyone loves a new baby and we celebrate even though we can't hold the sweet newborn baby boy! Facebook pictures and proud Grandma stories are just about as good. :)

4pm Grandchildren that belong in this house, plus a 3rd grade friend, show up and say hi - Mom's speech is 100% perfect, "It's nice to meet you!" she says to the little girl who has been prepped what to expect, and who in her own right is an especially gracious guest.

5pm Finishing some really bad TV shows

6pm remembering the news is on TV

7pm remembering we forgot to plan dinner

730pm, giving thanks for a son in law who doesn't mind running for take out, and for grandchildren who are flexible minute by minute, who are trying to find their way but frequently live in a not-by-choice one parent household...

830pm drying the first of 3 sets of dishes that are washed by hand, because there's just too few to run the dishwasher.

9pm enjoying the NCI type shows on TV, and then finally done.

I have immense respect for my father who holds this schedule with my mother every day.  I have no words to express the love for my mother who, while she desperately wishes for a "normal" life, never complains about her "new normal."

I am blessed.  While emotional and falling down tired from all of the above plus a full work day from their dining room table, I got to be here today, and I am blessed.  I am thankful for my Mom and Dad, for their friends, for my family and friends.  For my children's friends. Today required some hard choices, and I rest well knowing I made the right ones.